WOMAN___ Get Married If You Want To Be Relevant
It is quite worrisome how more often than not, ladies, particularly in this part of the world___ Nigeria, are asked, “Are you married?”
It is most pathetic and, of course, belittling especially when this question come out of the blue. Like, as an OAP anchoring a program that is completely not related to marriage, a male listener calls in and before he tells you his name and location he had already asked you a thousand times if you were married. Dude, you won marry her?
This question, in most cases, is usually asked in order to know how much value to attach to a lady’s opinion. No thanks to mothers who think that until their daughters get married they are nothing but half a human being. My beloved mother ones told me that a woman is NOTHING until she’s married. In fact, my mother is called (in Igbo) Nwanyi Galachaa. When I asked her the meaning, she told me that the full name is Nwanyi galachaa ya nakwa be diya. Which loosely translate to, ‘A woman should make sure she goes back to her husband’s house when she finishes doing iyanga.’
It’s a pity that, particularly in Nigeria, people believe that a woman needs a marriage certificate in order to get the license to speak on certain issues.
Your marital status determines whether or not people would take you seriously, or how rude or polite their response to your comment would be. I felt really angry when, in my former church, a man who is highly respected by the priest and the congregation walked up to me after a Bible study and told me that as a woman, especially as a single lady that I’m not expected to be too vocal. In fact, in his words he said, ‘Adanne, ladies that talk the way you do end up not getting married. Men like women that are not too vocal.’
Well, anyone that knows that man (who, I forgot to mention was a Knight) should go and tell him that I have been married for five years now, and that my marriage certificate has even made me more vocal than I used to be. And, of course, my husband loves me that way___ he calls me the mouthpiece of the family.
If a woman talks or writes intelligently on an issue, instead of tackling her opinion based on facts, most men and of course, the most annoying, some women would start asking about her marital status. In the words of Nkechi Bianze, ‘In your TINY brain, you believe she needs a marriage certificate to exercise her right to speak on certain topics or issues. And she needs to be married for her opinion to be valid?’
This is really annoying especially when you consider the number of outspoken ladies that this attitude and an unnecessary question have driven into a world of endless silence. This dumb question is unarguable usually asked by men who, unfortunately never ask other opinionated men if they’re married or not.
Every opinionated and intelligent married person was once a wise and intelligent single person. If you are stupid and you get married, your marriage certificate would not eradicate your stupidity. You would just change your status from a stupid single person to a stupid married person.
Unfortunately, most Nigerian women would rather endure their marriage than lose it even when it gives them pain that is worse than that of the biblical Job. They would rather endure it because like my mother said, ‘A woman is not complete until she ends up in the home of a man_____ a husband.’
And because my mother is a ‘good’ Christian, in her defence, ‘Eve was nonexistent until a rib was taken from Adam.’
I even heard that there’s a law in this country that says that a woman cannot bail a prisoner (I stand to be corrected on this). Dear woman, it doesn’t matter if your marriage is giving you fire and brimstone, just stay married in order to be relevant. LOL.
Is it true that in Nigeria one must be married to run for certain political office? Could this be the reason why some years ago, a 40-something-year old woman from my part of Nigeria (with three children from a past relationship with a man she never married) had to get into a contract marriage to be eligible to run as either a member of house of rep or Senate?
This is a position that requires BRAIN WORK, but we require a marriage certificate for it in Nigeria.
Certainly, François Hollande, the French President would never have been elected as a president if he were Nigerian, because he isn’t married.
Howbeit, he is still performing much better than most married Nigerian politicians.